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Letošní Velikonoce mě opravdu pobavily: nejdřív svítilo sluníčko. Pak začalo sněžit. A nakonec otevřeli metro, které vede až k děkanátu 2. LF. To se musel někdo hodně snažit s hodováním, že mu Ropid nadělil takovouhle koledu!

To, co spousta lidí dosud jenom smutně tušila, už máme od pondělka oficiálně potvrzené: nemocnice Motol opravdu je poslední stanice. Samozřejmě se na to můžeme dívat i z druhé strany, že je to vlastně první stanice – což pro nás mediky nabývá ještě krásnější metafory – jenže nic takového se v metru holt neříká.

Spíš jen tak z povinnosti (a samozřejmě taky abych tím mohl oslňovat svoje okolí, které se ale zatím jeví velice arogantní a vypadá, že je mu to ukradené), jsem se jel naším velikonočním dárečkem projet. První, co mě zarazilo hned u vstupu do metra, byla dvojice eskalátorů, která ovšem vedla nahoru. Ale ok: odvážně jsem nastoupil na jezdící schody a nechal jsem se vyvézt – v rozporu se svojí všeobecnou smůlou – ke správné koleji; zastávka Nemocnice Motol je totiž jedna z těch hloupých stanic, kde metro jezdí uprostřed a čeká se okolo.

Jinak ale není na našem metru nic zajímavého. Kromě toho, že tabule, která normálně hlásá, za jak dlouho pojede další souprava, hlásala akorát: „Text error“, a kromě chlapce, který měl na tričku optimistické sdělení: „Nelíbí se mi nikdo z vás“, je Nemocnice Motol docela normální stanice. Až tabuli opraví a chlapec odjede (odjel ve čtvrtek, takže už jenom stačí, aby se nevracel. Nebo aby se převlékl), bude všechno dokonalé.

Nevím, do jaké míry to byla náhoda a do jaké úmysl, ale s Velikonocemi šly ruku v ruce i biochemické laborky. Kdysi (příspěvek Akční týden) jsem si tu smutnil, jak je ten svět nespravedlivý, že dokud se člověk nedostane k chemickým laborkám, myslí si, že to bude ta největší zábava na světě, jenže pak se setká s pravdou tváří v tvář a pochopí, že slévat dvě bezbarvé tekutiny jenom proto, aby vytvořil třetí bezbarvou tekutinu, nakonec možná nebude smyslem jeho života.

Tenhle týden jsem zjistil dost děsivou věc: chemie barevná být umí. Je to chemie, která zkoumá moč. Jenom známé mudrosloví, že pod svícnem bývá tma, považuji za rozumné vysvětlení toho, že dosud nikoho nenapadlo se do těch žalostně nudných bezbarvých tekutin vyčůrat, protože to bychom pak viděli tu show! Sytě zelená, šmoulově modrá, cihlově červená, taková jakoby – nevím přesně, jak to nazvat – zvratkovitě žlutá!

Všechno má ale i svou stinnou stránku. Asi málokoho překvapí, že když pracujete s močí, tak to trochu smrdí. Smrdí to pak tím víc, když tu moč máte kultivovat ve vroucí lázni. A ano, opravdu si pak připadáte, že místo v laboratoři jste se ocitli v hospodě páté cenové kategorie, kde není potřeba se obtěžovat chodit na záchod; stačí se jenom otočit a v lepším případě rozepnout zip u kalhot. Ale pořád – ty barvičky!!!

Laboratoř páchnoucí močí v sobě ale skrývá jeden zajímavý bonus: podobně, jako kdybychom jedli týden shnilou zeleninu, nám pak bude stará a seschlá paprika připadat jako pokrm hodný bohů, funguje i náš čich. Takže zatímco se vzduchem nesl hutný pach čůránek, voněl mi syntetický ethanol jako kvalitně vyzrálá pálenka (snad ze špendlíků?). Jsem přesvědčen, že toto zjištění bude mít za následek velký pokrok v rámci servírování vyzrálých sýrů a syrečků: od teď už je podávejte jenom se sklenicí odleželé ranní moči!

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